it's been a long time since i updated my blog last time....
i was nt planning to leave tis blog as a ruin for another 4 months...
anyway, happened sth recently.... abt frens abt family n many many many things else...

it's nt the first time, but thanks music this invention, which saved me frm drwoning in this disappointing world agn n agn....

羅美玲 愛一直閃亮

我一個人的沙發上　
還有你擁抱的力量 起身才看見孤單的形狀　
在空氣裡曝光明明是咖啡不加糖　
怎麼喝還是懶洋洋
你不在的天氣裝了開關　
碰到天亮就黑暗
我以為愛一直閃亮　現在剩一個人堅強
想念在手中　張開變翅膀　我還懂不懂飛翔
我看見 愛一直在閃亮　想逃的心改變了方向
只因這城市情歌太悲傷　
才讓一碗熱湯　紅了眼眶
電視裡愛情播不完　怎麼轉才能離開現場
如果我承認你讓我很難忘　結局能不能換

first time listened tis song is frm a chinese drama series "frens" (ming yang si hai)
was crying crying n crying when i watched a part which is saying tat a guy who went to acknowleged a childhood fren, very gd fren, who had been a super star...
it's known tat the guy love the gal since they were young
but the gal has been in a relationship wif a man, a rich n wif status, so she try to be cold towards the guy... even though the gal knows tat she love the guy deeply....
but for fame, for money... or for everything realistic or wat... the gal turned the guy away...

when getting older n older, i found it's harder n harder to find a person or even a fren whom u can tell ur words frm the bottom of ur heart to...
i dun know why.... i used to share my unhappiness wif my frens... but now, i cant do so wif too many scruples...
reminded of sth mr.hong said, existentialism...
which means the value of a person is based on the assessment made by others...
it's very pesimistic... but it's a truth...
tats why we always pursue the fame... money... beauty... social... n everything tat represent a status in the society...
im nt so desire for those things... but i strongly believe the exsitence of existentialism...
i saw it frm my fren, frm my family, ppl ard me, n even myslef...
i though i can always lead a live the way im...
but i cant... wif the assessment, i cant even be myself... or even sth called "comparing"...
i know i set a higher expectation for myself, but why there still sum ppl think it's fun n interesting to compete wif me...
do they juz want to see the face i was defeated??
they juz want to show sth off in front me...
im sure the ppl i meant will nt read my blog... so dun think u were the person i meant...
hard to say, juz few days ago, a person i will never expect him to read my blog did so...
drop tis topic...

i think too much...
lets categorised wat i said today into the "gumble of the day"...
i dun want u to think too much, or try to figure out who r the persons i meant...
ur curiousty abt this thing will make me feel more n more uncomfortable in front of u, or awkarwd...