suddenly felt how stupid i am...
those things tat will never happen...
i know tat will never happen...
i told myself tat will never happen...
it's a impossible in my life...
IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN...
but im still veri stupid... always secretly expect it to happen...
it wont happen
it wont happen
it wont happen....
i juz cant get tis off my mind...
i still exoect it to happen in my life one day...
if im strong enough, if im stubborn enough...
i think i can lead a more comfortable life...
but i still choose to go on the way tat i know it will never lead to the end i like it to be...
i juz cant pretend nt to see the things happened in my eyes...
hope there is a person who can teach how to give up on a person...

TO sips,
i think i can roughly understand how u experience when the guy who said he doesnt like u...
it's so hard to face wat the truth is....
glad tat u can be his close fren after tat...
at least u gain a fren though u lose e chance to be his stead...

i know once u give up on the hope being his stead, u r able to understand him better, n get close to him as a fren...
the relationship is changed, no more awkard, no more carefulness...

u dont spent a long time to juz send a msg to him, coz u wld read it agn n agn before sending...
try to put urself in his shoes, n guess wat wld he think when he see the msg...
u wont wait for his msg, unlike other frens, if he doesnt reply, u wld start guessing wat is he thinking when he saw the msg...
u hardly dare look into his eyes, afraid to see sumthing u dun wan to see in tat mysterious world...
before u dial his number, u wld reherse the opening speech n wat to say n guess his reply n think how to continue it...
ur heart beating veri fast particularly at the moment he pick up the phone...
sumtimes u will get sumble over ur words...
afraid the situation get COLD... afraid to realise tat there is nth to talk...
sumtimes u even afraid to be alone wif him, coz u dun know wat to tok to him...
u will guess wat is he thinking abt u...
take note on whaevea comments he make on u...
memorise down wateva u find which has sumthing to do wif his character, habits....n so on...
u r afraid u take one more step forward...
u sicked to be stuck at the state now, but u r more afraid to be stepped back if he doesnt accept wat u ask for...
u r annoyed by wateva things abt him, but at the same time, u oso like or r used to collect wateva info abt him...
u wan to know wateva he does... his schedule of everyday...
u wan to be alone wif him.... but oso, u r a bit afraid if there is nth to tok...
u try to find the similarity of u two... or even try to touch on the things he like but u used nt to like...
n after all, u cldnt stop thinking (or expecting, lets say...) of ur future...
u combined all the "ifs" n created various outcums of two of u...
it may be bad, may be gd...
may be a happily ever after, may be a touching tragedy...
in conclusion, u find its so hard to find a free space tats without his shadow in ur life...

dun know if its wat u feel the previous days...
haiz.......
hope u will meet ur true love one day... u will be one of the lucky ones...
gal, u r always very strong...
i saw u go thru so many hard times...
u naver fail to stand up once u r beat down...
jiayou...
maybe u r getting more n more disappointed after the failure of searching for the love one...
but im sure, u will get to be stronger...
i know it may be a piece of shit to u at the present times...
to me as well...
but tats how we grow up...
god bless u, u will find the one who treasure u the way as u do to him...
hope everything turn to be the way u want...
tats the most impt thing i think.......
there will be hurt... definitely... but pls to be strong...
remeber the times u r down, u r the only one who can help urself frm getting out of the muds...
jiayou....


(to yuansen, im nt in a mood to reply wat u said... maybe tml i will tell u wat im thinking abt...)

 
today yuting sms me during the school hour...
she said her bf, ex bf precisely, read my blog n felt very upset towards wat i wrote here...
sum things to clarify here...hey!!mr.km, i know u will see it, so for sum of it is specially writen for u...
wondering why u r called KM??? ask urslef why u call me "SPH BOY" behind me first...

1. i can say i din write anything here... n i dun know what make u so upset either...

2.u may think im the one who stand in the way of ur relationship... im nt interested to ruin ur relationship, but as yuting's best fren, i shld giv her realistic n useful advises!!! since she had made it very clear tat u doesnt suit her... why muz u pester her all the way???

i know u hate me very much, so politeness is nt required...

u look wat u hav done over the days, dont u think u r nearly becuming a psycho??
u added all the frens under yuting's frenster....
n msg one by one...
u added her frens on ur msn who doesnt know u at all...
u show ur anger in front of her n the next moment u cry n beg her for patching relationship...
.......n more n more...
cant u see yuting is getting farer n farer as u getting more n more paranoid???
u cld be a gentleman n end tis unsuitable relationship wif a smile...
at least u will hav a very gd impression in her heart forever...
5 yrs later, or 10 yrs, when she recall abt u, the person appear in her mind is a tender n caring guy she wld never get....

n now, she is so afraid of u... n wat u hav done...
it was a pity if she lose a guy like u.... but now she made a best choice tat leave u early, coz we cant imagine wat will u do if she drag the relationship down.......

pls wake up n face the reality... she doesnt love u anymore....
she used to, as i can tell... at least tis relationship is nt wasted... wat the most precious is the times u two spent together....
n the memories...
i know its hard to face the reality tat the person u love doesnt luv u......
there is sumthing u can pursue...
but there is sumthing u cant...
like love... it's a two way relationship (sounds familiar, da niel??)
it cant move on without the devotion of either side...
n obviously yuting stop giving anything to tis relationship...
she is oso upset to understand tat u r nt the one who can promise her a future she wants...
it's too overboard to tok abt it...
the conclusion is juz tat, she has given up on tis relationship... there is nt point u playing wif urself n pretend to be in luv wif a person who has withdraw...

if only we can be in luv wif a person who luv us oso...
it's reali veri sad to see the one u luv looking at others...
but nt u....
u can find a place n mourn over tis relationship...
but pls giv her wat u can only giv her at last...
tats freedom...
she deserve it, so do u...
adjust ur lifestyle...
the life is still going on with ur rainy mood...
is sad...i wont tell u dun be sad.... coz its hard to put down sth u luv but dont belong to u...

hope it can make u understand wat im thinking abt...
pls off ur hands... two of u r reali nt suitable to go along...

khairil, i promised i will learn the song "bukan cinta biasa" overnight... n sing to u tml...

 

amelia n me... haha... 

 

xiaoying...haha... 

 

made by weizheng...haha...he especially wan me to say tat it's done by him nt jianhui...anw, thx, weizheng~